Hearts and Waterfalls

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Now playing: Thomas Newman - Brooks Was Here
via FoxyTunes At roughly 3:00 in the morning on Saturday June 14 I was abruptly awoken when my mom came bursting into my room. "I think dad's having a heart attack." I didn't stop to think. I threw the covers off my bed and stumbled out of my room and sprinted up the stairs to see my dad with his hand clutching his chest leaning against the wall. Soon he was sitting on the edge of the piano bench bent over in pain. I couldn't believe this was happening. It seemed like hours passed as we waited for the paramedics to get there and by that time my dads whole left arm was numb and the pain in his chest was getting worse. As my mom left for the hospital she told me to call all my siblings. As I did this the reality of the whole situation set in. After what felt like an eternity my mom called an said that Mark and John had arrived and given my dad a blessing and that he was stable for the time being and that I should try and get some sleep. As I lay in my bed sleep quickly overtook me. A few hours later I woke up to find out that my dad was doing quite well. None the less, when I first saw him laying in a hospital bed it was a little unnerving. However, he was happy and chipper as normal even if slightly worn out. Over the next forty-eight hours I had to decide whether or not to go to Havasupai. By Saturday night I had decided not to go. Sunday came and I was once again torn. I spent most the day flip-flopping between going and not. In the end I decided to go and I am very happy I did.

PDA they always show.Havasupai proved to be one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to or seen. There was another twelve hour bus ride followed by a ten mile hike in to the falls. Words can't describe the beauty and pictures can't do justice but I'll to my best. The water was the most amazing aqua blue and the fact that you were allowed to swim in it made everything that much better. It seems like the general public isn't allowed to really get close to places like this. I'm amazing at the condition the grounds are in with how many people are there. The three days we spent there were spent hiking to different falls, relaxing, and spelunking. As amazing as it was there were a few parts I didn't like so much. Namely the drama that seems to follow us everywhere we go. Taylor and Rosie were a bit annoying because they broke up then immediately after got back together, not to mention all the That wasn't the worst part for me though. Victoria was the main reason I didn't have as much fun as I could have. I noticed that she was talking and flirting with me a lot more than usual. I felt the feelings I had for her begin to resurface. I had no clue why she was doing this. I finally got up the courage to talk to her I just needed to find the right time. The second night she wanted to go out with me to look at the stars. I found this a little odd but I took the opportunity. As we began talking I brought up the email I sent her and I asked if she'd gotten it and why she hadn't responded yet. I found out that she had responded and that the email had somehow not made it to my inbox. I couldn't wait to get answers so I just asked her what was going on. I asked her if she had any feelings for me still and I wasn't prepared for the answer I got. For the past eight months I've been harboring this hope that she might still like me and that something might happen to rekindle those feelings. When she said that she didn't I was stunned for a second. Everything I had hoped for fell away. I was left with the most empty, hollow, almost dead feeling in my gut. I did my best to mask my feelings and continue on with our conversation. It was just so hard. Luckily we made our way back to camp soon after that. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what I was feeling and what I was going to do. After a day or so of contemplation and a lot of beautiful distractions (waterfalls and the such) I figured that it was the best thing that could have happened. At this point I'm very happy about it all. Its almost like I'm free from a load I've been hauling around for too long. I think now that I know she doesn't have feelings for me any more I'll be able to move on a little better. It's hard but worth it. I hope that now I can really focus on rebuilding my testimony/strengthening it. I'm hoping that life will go a little better now!